Killer Magpies Pt 2 & Beetle Mania Pt 1
Okay, firstly good morgen.
Secondly, I would like to take this opportunity to continue a real life story of a nice lady, who's trying to get to work on time....I had no intention of EVER creating a Part 2 of Killer Magpies - The Brain Sucker Generation....BUT as global warming would have it.......I must.
I arrived at the bus stop @ 7:20am, nine minutes early for the bus.
I did NOT light up a cigarette, I learn't this lesson the other day with the whole Magpie Brain Suckers For Smokers incident....Alas, a Magpie ONCE AGAIN tried to swoop me for my brain.
Okay, paranoid is a term I use frequently when I think of myself.
BUT this IS different.
Is it the clothes I wear?
The way I do my hair?
The nice weird man @ the bus stop said that Magpies don't swoop people, they just play with them. They don't (and I quote) "Need human hair to build their nests!" OMG what type of crack is this guy smoking?!
I just replied "Oh erm....yeah" & moved away very VERY slowly.
I have decided to wear a welders mask to the bus stop every day to prevent further attacks. Go the Ned Jelkie.
This isn't the end of the story though....No no, your NOT getting away that easily.
Prior to the Magpie incident I was confronted with a woman who had a bad hit of heroin. She had her hands on her face and was trying to rip her skin off. NO JOKE.
Johnson St is always good for a mugging or a vomit.
After the lady who scared the be-jeebus out of me, I was crossing the road and a large man who should have enlisted into Australia's Biggest Looser, or perhaps a program for How To Deal With Love Handles......was riding a bike and snarled at me.
To this gesture I poked my tongue out @ him (something I like to do when people GLARE) & I moaned "NNNNNNNNERRRRRRRRH!" at him. I was so tempted to go "Boom bada Boom bada...." but wasn't that cut about it. (Please note: Jelkie does NOT having anything against people who are a little larger then average.....Unless they taunt. Same rule applies with everyone of all sizes.)
So, feeling a little helta skelta about that and watching everyone locking their doors @ the crossing, I arrived to the shelter of my second home, the Bus Stop of the 246 and noticed one hundred thousand Black Beetle's all trying to get into the cracks of the Car Sales Shop Thing.
Do you understand how gross this looked?
All I kept thinking was..."OMG OMG we are all gonna die....This is the apocalypse and we're all gonna die thanks to Global Warming picku maternu!" (no translation req'd)
It was so gross, all of my hundred million hairs on my arms stood up.
YUCK!
Mornings are certainly interesting.
The end.
Secondly, I would like to take this opportunity to continue a real life story of a nice lady, who's trying to get to work on time....I had no intention of EVER creating a Part 2 of Killer Magpies - The Brain Sucker Generation....BUT as global warming would have it.......I must.
I arrived at the bus stop @ 7:20am, nine minutes early for the bus.
I did NOT light up a cigarette, I learn't this lesson the other day with the whole Magpie Brain Suckers For Smokers incident....Alas, a Magpie ONCE AGAIN tried to swoop me for my brain.
Okay, paranoid is a term I use frequently when I think of myself.
BUT this IS different.
Is it the clothes I wear?
The way I do my hair?
The nice weird man @ the bus stop said that Magpies don't swoop people, they just play with them. They don't (and I quote) "Need human hair to build their nests!" OMG what type of crack is this guy smoking?!
I just replied "Oh erm....yeah" & moved away very VERY slowly.
I have decided to wear a welders mask to the bus stop every day to prevent further attacks. Go the Ned Jelkie.
This isn't the end of the story though....No no, your NOT getting away that easily.
Prior to the Magpie incident I was confronted with a woman who had a bad hit of heroin. She had her hands on her face and was trying to rip her skin off. NO JOKE.
Johnson St is always good for a mugging or a vomit.
After the lady who scared the be-jeebus out of me, I was crossing the road and a large man who should have enlisted into Australia's Biggest Looser, or perhaps a program for How To Deal With Love Handles......was riding a bike and snarled at me.
To this gesture I poked my tongue out @ him (something I like to do when people GLARE) & I moaned "NNNNNNNNERRRRRRRRH!" at him. I was so tempted to go "Boom bada Boom bada...." but wasn't that cut about it. (Please note: Jelkie does NOT having anything against people who are a little larger then average.....Unless they taunt. Same rule applies with everyone of all sizes.)
So, feeling a little helta skelta about that and watching everyone locking their doors @ the crossing, I arrived to the shelter of my second home, the Bus Stop of the 246 and noticed one hundred thousand Black Beetle's all trying to get into the cracks of the Car Sales Shop Thing.
Do you understand how gross this looked?
All I kept thinking was..."OMG OMG we are all gonna die....This is the apocalypse and we're all gonna die thanks to Global Warming picku maternu!" (no translation req'd)
It was so gross, all of my hundred million hairs on my arms stood up.
YUCK!
Mornings are certainly interesting.
The end.
posted by Jelkie at 1:12 PM
2 Comments:
Re: Magpies - Is it cos you're cool?
Re: Beetles - GROSS!!!
It must be the start of the magpies breeding season in Collingwood... just in time for the pre-season games!
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