The changling

a few realisations have hit home for me over the last few weeks, and i find that i have come home with much angst

it's all bottled way down in the centre of me though, of course. so i walk. i walk around the perimeter of the farm. i walk around and around. i only run when the ram is chasing me

it's funny how much closer you become to your family when you are away from them for so long. the intuition and bond seems to become almost water tight.

i have so many things inside of me that when i open my mouth nothing comes out. my words can't decide which are bigger, more important or interesting enough to be injected into the atmosphere first. i hope i don't get cancer from the lack of movement in my words






my mother has finally recognised that i don't allow myself to get into a proper relationship because of the wog guidelines. and for the first time in my life, has finally said that she wants me to be in a relationship - which ever sex, because she wants me to be happy.

and im not quite sure what to do with this. after being the other for so long and learning to cut off before anything had even begun, because i knew there would be no point.i don't know if i can *click* just change like that ........ am i too old now to change? to want to let go of barriers, standards - stupid hang ups and just like, settle down with someone

how do you settle down with someone?

how?

settle..............i don't know about the word settle. or the word down. then of course, putting those two words together, next to each other, just like that...settle down - makes a shiver run down my spine

hmmm.....i was chatting to mother about what a personal add for me might read...this is kinda what we came up with:

"Interesting character seeking grounding artistic type who knows when to go away and knows when to stick around. someone who is willing to ignore social retardedness, even adore it - preferably the latter. seeking someone who cooks well but will not put on weight. someone who can live out of a suitcase for extended periods of time and likes to move around a lot. someone with superb shimmy skills and can socialise well with others while i freak out occasionally."

please forward all applications c/o: my mother, for the 2nd round of interviews/demonstrations. the second round will be an evaluation of your cooking skills and conversation techniques whilst cooking. should you be crap at doing two things at once i urge you not to apply.

............back to the walking..........