elephantitus of the right butt cheek

oh lord.

i discovered it three nights ago, actually. i was doing those reverse bench up things and noticed my right arse cheek appeared "longer" then my left butt cheek.

I presumed it was the dodgy mirror that seems to have been neglected after a circus pack down many moons ago, left behind for the camp to use in the gym, making people appear longer and quite retarded...once upon a time for shits and giggles, now only to lure those stupid enough to believe the reflection in the gym mirror into a wicked life filled with slim fast shakes and dirty dreams of rubbing lamingtons in between your....

ok

so ever since i noticed my right arse cheek was somewhat elongated i have been walking around holding my arse - feeling the difference between my two cheeks for scientific reasons and also because my arse does feel pretty good.

anyway

so my initial reaction was that i was perhaps some kind of freak of nature

then i thought it may be a reaction or action as a result of lady loving or loving in general - or maybe it is that i stand in a funny position, resting too much weight on one side and not enough on the other - perhaps i have been performing my butt toning exercises of the last ..... 30 odd years in the wrong manner, thus creating a longer, more Pilate's type tone on to my right arse cheek and a more, "Croatian" toned arse cheek, applied to my left.

and then i started thinking that perhaps that whole thing, ye know, the thing about one boob being bigger than the other one, maybe that applies to butt cheeks as well.

after closer inspection of my breasts i am able to confirm that my right boob is bigger than my left.

not longer. wider

and now im just sitting in this confused trance like state, trying to place other parts of my body in some type of order, so i can start measuring them and comparing them to each other.

i don't want to do it tonight because this is seriously going to keep me up all night

but then if i do it tomorrow i am going to be frantic and hyper active at work, waiting for the day to end so i can go back to measuring myself.

jeeeeesus.

im going to time myself - how long will it take me to get my butt cheeks back to the same size....or at least a similar size to each other....?

i'm going to do some research on this, elephantitus (?), wog bum and obsessive compulsive disorders.

peace