now currently interviewing for the farmer wants a missus

so interviews have begun, for jelkie's own version of : the farmer wants a wife (with a couple of little differences)

a. the farmer in this particular "series" is a woman
b. the "farmer" isn't actually "farming" at this point in time - save for the backyard veggie patch
c. though this particular "farmer" does own an array of checkered shirts "she" is not actually in possession or interested in being in possession of an akubra (thus meaning that in the real show, "she" would forfeit all interest in appearing in future episodes
d. though the farmer has an interest in obtaining a "wife" - the farmer may or may not actually be interested in keeping said wife for any period of time longer THAN five days
e. this particular farmer is allergic to country and western music, so rather than having a ho-down, in this series, there will be a series of HOE-DOWNS
f. instead of water coming out from the taps and shower, you will be able to obtain water from the bottles that appear in the mount franklin fridges in the house - only beer will run freely from all taps, showers and hoses
g. all applicants must be: of at least 19 years of age; no older than 38; have an interesting talent that may or may not involve gerbils; flexible in more ways than one; be prepared to get nakie on public television; be prepared to cook and clean for the farmer every day; be interested in or pretend to be interested in everything the farmer says.

the farmer wants a missus, yo