Welcome to my world

Welcome to my world...

my world consists of moments and gasps
slight stares
intense stares
constant song in my head
dance moves inspired by 80's pop flowing out from my limbs
evil leprechauns and troll gods lurk in the darkness
there is an evil man in the wardrobe, so don't leave it ajar
mattress on the floor so the OTHER evil man who usually occupies THAT space where the bed on legs should be, now spends his time in the ceiling, looking down at me through the air con vent

the air con vent:

it makes grumbling noises
sometimes i think it's hungry so i squeeze hamburgers made from play dough through the openings, because play dough hamburgers look real if you make them right, and your eyes are always hungrier than your belly

unless your morbidly obese and can eat one hundred million play dough hamburgers

but you would end up dying

because the play dough would kill you

suffocating your extremely important organs







the heat lamp in the bathroom sets my eyebrows on fire
but i love it nevertheless

the suicidal light globe:

it shakes when the fan is on in the bathroom and has fallen out, many times, smashing on the tiles, just missing my head

this has happened a total of two times now - i am pushing for a third

I shall continue to replace the bulb
and i shall STILL continue to use the fan in conjunction with the globe

the new one is white and it makes me feel institutionalised
in an institution that has heaps of clinque products
and hairy arm pitts

i like to play with fire and see how far i can go without sustaining burns - or a near fatal blow the the cerebellum.......even by a light globe


the random shed full of ladders:

we have a random shed in the backyard
it contains 5 ladders
what do you do with five ladders?

i am thinking about creating a piece inspired by ladders.
dancing on them, so they look like "leg extensions"
dancing around them with ribbons
pretending i am trapped inside a ladder, pulling the deer in headlight desperation look

the meowing cat:

the fluffy black and white thing that haunts the real world and other ones i dwell in.
even when i close my wardrobe
it manages to end up in my undies draw, i think it works well with the man in the closet

i think they both have a thing for my lingerie


ribbons in my hair:

i like to wear a pony tail
put ribbons in my hair

makes me feel really girly
especially whilst skipping

today i went to the stuuupid shops in stuuuupid (wonderful) alice springs
and this dude's kid said "daddy there's a man there"

at first i thought perhaps the man from the closet had emerged, facing his agoraphobic fears and stalking me outside the perimeter of the household......then i realised (as there was no one behind me) she was in fact referring to mu ah

in my head i tripped the child over and gave her a wedgie. i told her that her mother had her after she had a gang bang with like 50 guys and her father isn't really her father because the government is paying him to pretend that he is as part of a social experiment entitled: are you able to live with a whore after she gets tapped by like 50 guys and pops out a dumb dumb kid who can't tell the difference between a guy and a girl who is also, by the way, mentally retard and is also, by the way, always going to be the same height as a midget and will go on in her life to become a really really shit dwarf porno film star and....by the way..........

a-hem...*clears throat*

the sharpie:

only, the BEST texta in the world...a must have item in my bag i like to write on myself because it makes me feel good

i smell it sometimes when i am alone, too

yesterday i wrote the outline for a play i am working on, entitled.....simply......"Alf Stewart, the musical"

had the sharpie not been in my bag, the synopsis would never have come about .......partly because i am dora from finding nemo and also because i probably would have thought of a different idea by the time i finished the musical in my head

odd socks:

in order for you to grow, spiritually and mentally, you should wear odd socks. not odd socks as in, two different brands/styles

it must be : two different colour socks of the same style and brand so they still kind match

you can achieve the above and succeed in maintaining the same style and brand by taking advantage of bulk buying bargains....................you are able to find said bulk buying bargains in respectable establishments like (but not limited to) :
Target
K Mart
Big W
and sometimes even Woolworths

**WARNING: do not attempt to purchase said bulk buying bargains from those dodgy people that have those tiny random sock stalls at shopping centres**
These people not only work for terror extremist groups (attacking the Achilles first) they also sell really REALLY crap socks.......those ones that are never the right size even if it is printed on the socks and always get holes in them........................

fishing shows:

the harsh reality is...we are on the verge of fish-tinction...and i don't really know that i am comfortable with this
who is to blame? our own greed? obama? the teletubbies?

the weird face chick thing from the mullygrubs?........perhaps..........whatever the case may be i am very cranky about the whole thing

i mean, i know there will always be "the best of rex hunt's fishing" and i am sure there will be a dvd series coming out after the fact, much like "rome" i wonder what they will call it? "there used to be fish in there" insert picture of a family eating by a black goo that covers 70% of the earth....................

i wonder how many people understand what i am saying.....
......

..



the hairy arm pit bet:

for $1400 - one whole year. the joys of drinking mid strength beer whilst everyone else drinks full strength and you STILL manage to fuck yourself over by making the DUMBEST bet ever. the bet is not only dumb, it is stupid.

.....9.5months to go - nice one.....Anjelka

paper clips:

paper clip necklaces are not only good for the soul but they go really well when you are accessorising and your stumped as to what should go with your aluminium foil anti alien pinafore and high waisted alu-pants

calculators:
spelling boobs upside down AND only recently.......................spelling boobs the right side up...or is it down? has proven to be one of my favorite past times
i have shown a couple of random people that i don't really know well, like new people at work
i am still really shocked that i have never been done for sexual harassment

Sexual Harassment:

its not being sexual harrassful, it's being flirtatious and just trying to suss out if there will be any motion in the ocean, or if you are just wasting your time

who doesn't want to do it on - against - or - around the photocopier?!






the colour purple:

a film that featured the artist sometimes known as "O"


euro vision song contest:

*Love*






practising being mute:

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....you know what i mean?





rolling the perfect cigarette:
concentration is not the key
in fact, the key is to seem as though you are NOT concentrating
then

wallah!


*matching undies to your mood is essential*
if you wish to succeed in finding personal happiness



doing the funky junky by peter andre
whilst listening to peter andre
oh

Sometimes....when I get nervous...I put my hands under my arms like this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6SHoyIxyVI

again and again and again

if you don't want to hear my answer or advice

DON'T ASK ME THE FUCKING QUESTION!!!!!



apart from being completely fucked off by dumb dumbs i must say that


BUNNY AND THE BULL WAS FUCKING EXCELLENT

the love calculator

is a great measuring tool

if you are ever curious about someone who has caught your eye

i highly recomend utilising the love calculator

to see if it is going to work

%%

let's dance in synch and put gel in our hair
wear oakley sunglasses and side step together

holding hands

your hands are soft like melted butter
no good for your thighs but you lick them nonetheless

mount franklin or aqua pura?
evian tastes funny
i think they drill for evian through a sewerage outlet

poo

talk to me about nascar racing
broom broom your v8 engine feels good against my carborator
reeeeeeow


side step together in the rain
gel hardening as the water beats down
eyebrows superglued to that look of suprise that Hollywood actors get paid a lot for and still can't seem to get it right

John Dies at the End
soy sauce in your veins
coming out capileries like catepilars very hairy
very scary
but ultimately
genius

15hrs and counting
Robert Marley
combusting floorboards
painting surreal pictures that seem okay from a distance
but are agonisingly evil up close
naked man with a great big pee-pee
evil goats with crazie eyes

backstreets back
everybody

backstreets hurting your eyes
baggy denim baggy denim
get your picture in smash hits
write a letter to the dolly doctor about how you get yourself
"excited"



----------------------------------------------------

is anyone else scared of getting old and losing control of their bodily functions? scared of getting saggy skin and bad ricketty bones hunching over your breakfast with a napkin tucked into your shirt and still you manage to get the morsels everywhere but in your pie hole it would be quite shocking and difficult to say the least to have to look at yourself in the mirror knowing that once upon a time you had soft blowing hair that your legs would twirl you around and around with a nice young goodlooking type adoring you and now you can't tie your shoelaces or manage your lipstick by yourself you go to the toilet and come out stinking like poo and all the while you complain about how young people are really really deprived of respect for elders for society for anything other than ipods facebook iphones macs and anything else affiliated with the mac brand not to mention other stuff like junk food drinking not so much drugs anymore but drinking yes definately definately tell your mother to go fuck herself its not very pleasant watching your reflection anymore all your friends are far away from you when you go to play bridge you play with a new posse and sometimes your one short and you never EVER get that player back unless of course you yourself follow that fate you indulge in fudge and toffee only when no one is looking because it reminds you of a time when you could climb trees and swing on ropes a waft of moth balls not because you like them only because you have declared war and they are attempting to pierce your skin eat away at you even more like the age the age is coming around the corner big shiney teeth dried blood stain you can't clasp your hand anylonger but when you did once upon a time you would accidentally pierce your skin your palms blood underneath your nails you get skinnier because its hard to turn the stove on and nothing nothing looks the same anymore throgh your coke bottled eyes
your vision is amazing when you close your eyes
nothing like the reality when open

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Battery Hens

There is a lot to be said about white meat

smack my tambourine

hard in your face
i jingle like a bell
entwined with precussion

*smack* *smack*

like a lollipop with wings
on my hand
not sweet but mellow

skipping on one leg
i find it hard to understand
why people feel the need to talk
when there is so much music to be made

*smack* *smack*

on my arse
harder than the first
tambourine tambourine
tastes as good as tangerine

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i am a butterfly

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i broke the cats tail yesterday

weeeeeeeeeeeee i hate my job and i can't wait to leave so i can do something that doesn't require talking to people because right now i dislike talking and i dislike people unless they are the people that i choose to socialise with i don't think customer service of any sort is okay anymore because it makes you want to martin bryant and i don't know why people feel the need to go on holidays when they can't even wipe there own arse but still they decide to go on holidays and make other people's lives hell like when they ask dumb questions like "is this the exit?" and they are pointing at the green exit sign or "do you have a pool?" whilst they are submerged up to their hips in water or like when people say dumb shit to you that doesn't fucken make sense but what at the end of the day is dumber? the fact that you continue waking up going to work and painting some dumb dumb fucking smile on your face or the fact that these peoples relatives don't lock them in a cage somewhere and feed them occassionally like battery hens...

o......m.........g...............

i like turtles

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMNry4PE93Y

QUITTer?

I quit my job

part two of the toilet cubicle

...and as I sat clutching my knees, the result of 1.5ltrs of water and one glass of wine presented itself in the form of a bodily function which most people do not shy from contributing to the waterways/septic systems of this land.

The lady next to me sounded like a horse...possibly the loudest piss I have ever had the pleasure of feeling via means of porcelain vibrations. The earth shook in shock of her rejection, her volitile release of natural disasters and as I sat, forcing myself to trickle downwards, masking my own pee sound with hers, she stopped mid-my pee.
The bathroom filled with the unusual sound of "shy pee"....i stopped peeing as if instantly sprung.....................

I sat repeating a mantra, coaxing my pelvic floor exercises to kick in. Over and over i repeated the mantra,until i felt a toilet flush next to me and as the water mixed with my cubicle neighbour's extracts

The sanitary disposal box on my right began to jolt.........tiles began freeing themselves from the wall

The nuts and bolts enabling my door shut, started to tweak and reject from the panels they were once inserted upon

Screams from the stall next door..............a green fluid oozing towards my jandled feet..............

"What the fuck?!" i screamed still clutching my knees, frozen in fear.......tbc

The toilet cubicle -part one

I don't know about you, but personally, when it comes to peeing in any toilet that is not my own (or even my own when my flatmate is around) I suffer from "stage fright"
I feel like I am about to do something so personal in front of a million and one people, like I am naked and about to perform the phantom of the opera, only my mask looks like my face and the lighting technician called in sick so the stage is set on really really bright.

I went to see the premiere of Soul Kitchen last night and really needed to pee. I was sitting inbetween my friend the hippy and a whole bunch of other hippies. I didn't want to get up off the floor to go to the bathroom, as we were occupying the front row and nothings worse then when everyone's watching you be disruptive during ....oh, i dunno, a movie.....that kind of pressure makes me do really dumb stuff, like fall over or pull really dumb / ugly faces because i know EVERYONE is looking at me going: "hey douche bag stop fucking up my viewing pleasure..." and then I'd accidentally trip into the lap of a hippy and be scarred for life....

So anyway.......I held on until the intermission and went to the toilet.

There were only two cubicles so all these ladies were waiting IN the bathroom.
I could feel my cheeks begin to flush with red. Loud noise in my ears, the kind of loud noise you feel in your ears when you know your about to get in trouble for something earth shattering.
.....and then it happened..........

after waiting what seemed an eternity (4.5mins) a lady emerged from one of the toilet cubicles.

Somewhat relived/excited I made my way to the stall. I could feel my blood pumping in my ears, my throat was all choked up.
I closed the stall and undid my fly.

I sat...






and sat...

......................and waited

as my heart beat quicker by the second, each sound outside intensified by the shear horror of having to urinate in a toilet with SUCH high ceilings (noise would be intensified.....if it was a noisy number 1)

a trickle beat down against the porcelain and i knew it was much, much tooo late to turn back.

I unleashed the fury...............tbc

No idea why fruit loops are still in production

Smile your gummy once were pearls in my direction
Wisdom seeps through the cracks of your plaque build up
Crying baby whispers to it's Mother
That dental floss is a better investment than the new edition of Encyclopedia Britanica online edition 2010-2011

I dreamt that I didn't have to get ready for work
At stupid o'clock
I could sleep in until whatever time I wished
I still woke up at 07:11am
Only an hour and a half after the usual fruition

I.T. could be monitoring my abuse of company internet
The policy states that you are unable to utilise the internet for personal use
It is a fire-able offence
Fire-able?

Fire-able...

Fire
Able to watch from the balcony of the political heirachy as the shades cascade down onto the many
Eating from a breakfast buffet
They believe the mini hash browns will fill like a temporarry void
Their gizzards
Buzzards trying desperately in the Westerly breeze
To fly onwards to that replica of a torso

To eat the omni present situation
my mouse right click your tie

Lola

la la la la-lola
lalalala-lolaaaah

Back on the horse again

.....not heroin

writing...

It feels so awesome to spend 5minutes on writing a piece. For it to be accepted and put forward as a play submission.

Makes me feel how i used to feel.

How can it be so easy to put words together. To put visions on paper.

i love that

I like you but...

I feel like stabbing someone in the face with a lead pencil from the 80's
...The type that gives you lead poisoning


I often wonder why I work in the Customer Service realm. I have these semi-psychotic episodes whilst people are talking/draining the life out of me with their useless crapola life stories..............i want to bite myself to relieve the mental anguish and pain they create for me, or stab myself in the eye lid with a cheese knife.

Then, other days I am so into their stories about how they enjoy talking to Jesus in uncanny locations and why their bowel movements are so inconsistent that I'm almost having hoo hoo accidents on their legs.............


Pre menstrual?

Lost it?

Perhaps customer service is causing this collapse?



If i ever get old...like if i live past the age of looking good and having firm skin, i WILL wax any facial hair that may develop

Seems to be the trend these days to let it go? I have been chatting to women with that look of anj-disgust, unable to hide it.........they talk to me and all i can do is stare at their Hitler mo.



Something weird is going on and i don't know if i am doing that weird thing again when i think i like someone, but i don't because i get my friendship feelings confused with the i want to shag you feelings.

it's weird because i don't like anyone


not anymore

why do i like you?


i like you but i want to hurt you

stab you in the arm with a lead pencil from the 80's


the kind that when the stub goes blunt you insert from the top and it pushed out a new stub of lead


i went to school with a girl called jackie - not the jackie from the lesbian alien stories.........jackie who enjoyed inserting lead pieces under her skin.........in the knees, her lips........everywhere she could stick them

i wonder if she has perished from lead poisoning........



blah blah blah blah blah





i think i'm just depressed because my jeep has a flat tyre and i haven't driven it in 5 days


yep















depression