from the tea-highlands of malaysia
personal philosophy...clothing optional...
right now i'm sitting in... pretty much, the world's best backpackers EVER.
situated high upon the mountains, overlooking lushes tea fields, whilst switzerland style architecture boarders the town. YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM strawberry fields flow freely, as does the chai from all the indian food vendors....oh yes....i have found the heaven area and i am thoroughly enjoying it...!
Yes it is heaven, but not with angels dressed in white, gently fluttering their wings about wildly....the only angel we have met was dressed in gardening attire, gum boots equipped with a big mouldy tooth smile.
We now successfully know how to:
All of the above and more and i still can't remember his name....typical.
so...nutshell:
So...just putting a travel tip out there...
when two lady-lovers are travelling in one of the BIGGEST Muslim countries in the world, it is best not to book accomodation in THE LARGEST MUSLIM SUBURB EVER CREATED SINCE MECCA
It's a crime to be gay in malaysia - you can totally end up in jail. i swear to you, i am really suprised i have not been arrested for looking like a lesbo (as i have not been DOING anything in public to warrent BEING a lesbo)
anyhoo, we got out of that place pretty farken quickly...the lesson in all of this is: when booking awesome cheap hotels on the internet make sure YOU do it and check the location map (not your gf)
a-hem...
so of course we end up in China town the next morning, waiting for a bus to take us to one of the amazing jungles, Teman Negara.
walking around the market stalls we spied laksa, pork butchers, cat butchers and of course, wobbly rice vendors.
hopping on board our bus with a few others we quickly... QUICKLY ...Q U I C K L Y.....did i say quickly?????? took off en route to TN
when i do these tour group things i like to quickly asses the other people on tour before they let me know where they come from, what they do, etc. i was pretty close on this one.
i assessed our tour group like this:
Team England : featuring an ex wrestler and his girlfriend
The Indian Family : Rich Mumbai executive who thoroughly enjoyed correcting our tour guide on ALL the information he shared with us, thus resulting in two hours section tours turning into three hour section tours, with wife (who happened to have a penchant for trekking through the jungle in THONGS AND SOCKS) and two kids in tow (whom i am CONVINCED only know one word : BETEL! and they like to point at black or brown things screaming BETEL! all the freakin' time
The Lovely Italian couple who are SO Italian that their accents appear to be fake.
The cezck republic couple who just smile and nod and probably won't talk to anyone ever because they are so excited about being on holiday that they have literally forgotten howe to speak and when you speak to them they look at you with wild excited eyes, nodding fiercly into your face area.....proven true, thank you very much!
and of course...Holland. A 21 yr old who just got in from thailand, almost got busted with drugs and executed, who thinks it's ok to get busted with drugs and use the excuse made famous by chapelle, stating "but i had no idea it was there! that is noooooooooot mine!"...pretty much your token back packer.
so we made for an exceptional team.
The stand out parts of TN are as follows:
trying to get the Mini Mart lady to like me - to no avail...online gambling addiction, forced to skip out on hands everytime we or anyone else came into the shop...this friendship was never going to happen...
"Shooting" the rapids - which entailed being powered through wild rapids in a pretty farkend ricketey boat with 15 other people...i am still suprised i did not shit my pants. i definately pee'd them though.
Not dying up that freakin jungle hike
Our Tour leader explaing everything like this: "our tribe is one thousand one thousand years old. you know one thousand, one million one million years. everyone has different job in jungle. one man he hunts the deer. another woman she gets the fish, other person gets the food from the shop, they are real jungle tribe...our tribe is one thousand one thousand years old. you know one thousand, one million one million years. everyone has different job in jungle. one man he hunts the deer. another woman she gets the fish, other person gets the food from the shop, they are real jungle tribe...our tribe is one thousand one thousand years old. you know one thousand, one million one million years. everyone has different job in jungle. one man he hunts the deer. another woman she gets the fish, other person gets the food from the shop, they are real jungle tribe...our tribe is one thousand one thousand years old. you know one thousand, one million one million years. everyone has different job in jungle. one man he hunts the deer. another woman she gets the fish, other person gets the food from the shop, they are real jungle tribe..."
(it's a wonder i did not kill him....or myself)
other highlights include:
eating omlette at EVERY SINGLE FARKEN MEAL - i mean, i was and am still in omlete heaven and i LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE it
Seeing two lesbian cats court each other, with the explanation of: because being gay is illegal in malaysia, our animals become gay. to which i responded, is it because of all the sexual tension which is being transmitted into the atmosphere in this particular part of the world, then because of the way of the natural world, the animals are picking up on these vibes and acting them out....silence as a response...
using squat toilets...and wait for it...(finally) learning how to position myself nicely so i DON'T pee on ma feets!
surviving all of the bus trips we have been on. i seriously believe the bus drivers work on a commission basis. if they bring the guests to the drop off points earlier they make a commission on whatever crap the dumb tourists buy before they jump on their transfers......at least if this is NOT the case, i will make it an option should i ever start up my bus transfer/tour company
other things have excited me and really struck out at me as "great accomplishments whilst on holiday - or at least this particular holiday"
successfully farting discreetly on aeroplanes (having competitions with your girlfriend whilst trying to not act gay is a lot of fun. i really can't express it enough.
trying to decide on which cosmetic item is more beneficial and or useful:
the bronzer or the tinted moisturiser (which by the way i could not decide on, so i am waiting to dream about the ultimate cosmetic fight of all time (MMA style) to decide for me...
trying to figure out what the fuck possess people to stand up as SOON AS THE PLANE LANDS..........
it's the simple things.
so, we are off to France at 1am tomozza and will spend 5 days there, eating french things, whilst drinking french things at the same time. how stupidly romantic. we shall spend the mad scientists' birthday there and be loud and proud lesbos (after not being able to express any emotion in public to each other for close to six days...)
we are more than likely going to do the road trip from france through to croatia, stopping randomly to stretch the limbs and explore the lands before us.
things i am looking forward to achieving in the next day, (whilst in this country):
successfully completing the muslim poo (washing of one's bum with the left hand NO TOILET PEE PEE YO)
*please excuse my spelling mistakes.....it is too painful to wait for the spell check to auto-correct*
right now i'm sitting in... pretty much, the world's best backpackers EVER.
situated high upon the mountains, overlooking lushes tea fields, whilst switzerland style architecture boarders the town. YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM strawberry fields flow freely, as does the chai from all the indian food vendors....oh yes....i have found the heaven area and i am thoroughly enjoying it...!
Yes it is heaven, but not with angels dressed in white, gently fluttering their wings about wildly....the only angel we have met was dressed in gardening attire, gum boots equipped with a big mouldy tooth smile.
We now successfully know how to:
- construct a special bag to produce roots from branches of plants
- prepare camila's for replanting
- make flowers change colour
- and of course.........run like hell from pet garden snakes
All of the above and more and i still can't remember his name....typical.
so...nutshell:
we arrived in malaysia greeted with wild humidity and big curious stares......after the advice from the (lovely?) muslim lady on the INFORMATION DESK who seemed EXCEPTIONALLY annoyed at being interupted whilst online shopping for a new handbag, we were advised to catch a bus to KL central. It would take one hour and of course, true to form it took EXACTLY.....ONE HOUR!
awesome....we were off to a great start...until of course the next advice was to catch a train to the suburb our Hotel was situated in. which took us BACK to the airport almost and had to catch a cab to the hotel....
So...just putting a travel tip out there...
when two lady-lovers are travelling in one of the BIGGEST Muslim countries in the world, it is best not to book accomodation in THE LARGEST MUSLIM SUBURB EVER CREATED SINCE MECCA
It's a crime to be gay in malaysia - you can totally end up in jail. i swear to you, i am really suprised i have not been arrested for looking like a lesbo (as i have not been DOING anything in public to warrent BEING a lesbo)
anyhoo, we got out of that place pretty farken quickly...the lesson in all of this is: when booking awesome cheap hotels on the internet make sure YOU do it and check the location map (not your gf)
a-hem...
so of course we end up in China town the next morning, waiting for a bus to take us to one of the amazing jungles, Teman Negara.
walking around the market stalls we spied laksa, pork butchers, cat butchers and of course, wobbly rice vendors.
hopping on board our bus with a few others we quickly... QUICKLY ...Q U I C K L Y.....did i say quickly?????? took off en route to TN
when i do these tour group things i like to quickly asses the other people on tour before they let me know where they come from, what they do, etc. i was pretty close on this one.
i assessed our tour group like this:
Team England : featuring an ex wrestler and his girlfriend
The Indian Family : Rich Mumbai executive who thoroughly enjoyed correcting our tour guide on ALL the information he shared with us, thus resulting in two hours section tours turning into three hour section tours, with wife (who happened to have a penchant for trekking through the jungle in THONGS AND SOCKS) and two kids in tow (whom i am CONVINCED only know one word : BETEL! and they like to point at black or brown things screaming BETEL! all the freakin' time
The Lovely Italian couple who are SO Italian that their accents appear to be fake.
The cezck republic couple who just smile and nod and probably won't talk to anyone ever because they are so excited about being on holiday that they have literally forgotten howe to speak and when you speak to them they look at you with wild excited eyes, nodding fiercly into your face area.....proven true, thank you very much!
and of course...Holland. A 21 yr old who just got in from thailand, almost got busted with drugs and executed, who thinks it's ok to get busted with drugs and use the excuse made famous by chapelle, stating "but i had no idea it was there! that is noooooooooot mine!"...pretty much your token back packer.
so we made for an exceptional team.
The stand out parts of TN are as follows:
trying to get the Mini Mart lady to like me - to no avail...online gambling addiction, forced to skip out on hands everytime we or anyone else came into the shop...this friendship was never going to happen...
"Shooting" the rapids - which entailed being powered through wild rapids in a pretty farkend ricketey boat with 15 other people...i am still suprised i did not shit my pants. i definately pee'd them though.
Not dying up that freakin jungle hike
Our Tour leader explaing everything like this: "our tribe is one thousand one thousand years old. you know one thousand, one million one million years. everyone has different job in jungle. one man he hunts the deer. another woman she gets the fish, other person gets the food from the shop, they are real jungle tribe...our tribe is one thousand one thousand years old. you know one thousand, one million one million years. everyone has different job in jungle. one man he hunts the deer. another woman she gets the fish, other person gets the food from the shop, they are real jungle tribe...our tribe is one thousand one thousand years old. you know one thousand, one million one million years. everyone has different job in jungle. one man he hunts the deer. another woman she gets the fish, other person gets the food from the shop, they are real jungle tribe...our tribe is one thousand one thousand years old. you know one thousand, one million one million years. everyone has different job in jungle. one man he hunts the deer. another woman she gets the fish, other person gets the food from the shop, they are real jungle tribe..."
(it's a wonder i did not kill him....or myself)
other highlights include:
eating omlette at EVERY SINGLE FARKEN MEAL - i mean, i was and am still in omlete heaven and i LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE it
Seeing two lesbian cats court each other, with the explanation of: because being gay is illegal in malaysia, our animals become gay. to which i responded, is it because of all the sexual tension which is being transmitted into the atmosphere in this particular part of the world, then because of the way of the natural world, the animals are picking up on these vibes and acting them out....silence as a response...
using squat toilets...and wait for it...(finally) learning how to position myself nicely so i DON'T pee on ma feets!
surviving all of the bus trips we have been on. i seriously believe the bus drivers work on a commission basis. if they bring the guests to the drop off points earlier they make a commission on whatever crap the dumb tourists buy before they jump on their transfers......at least if this is NOT the case, i will make it an option should i ever start up my bus transfer/tour company
other things have excited me and really struck out at me as "great accomplishments whilst on holiday - or at least this particular holiday"
successfully farting discreetly on aeroplanes (having competitions with your girlfriend whilst trying to not act gay is a lot of fun. i really can't express it enough.
trying to decide on which cosmetic item is more beneficial and or useful:
the bronzer or the tinted moisturiser (which by the way i could not decide on, so i am waiting to dream about the ultimate cosmetic fight of all time (MMA style) to decide for me...
trying to figure out what the fuck possess people to stand up as SOON AS THE PLANE LANDS..........
it's the simple things.
so, we are off to France at 1am tomozza and will spend 5 days there, eating french things, whilst drinking french things at the same time. how stupidly romantic. we shall spend the mad scientists' birthday there and be loud and proud lesbos (after not being able to express any emotion in public to each other for close to six days...)
we are more than likely going to do the road trip from france through to croatia, stopping randomly to stretch the limbs and explore the lands before us.
things i am looking forward to achieving in the next day, (whilst in this country):
successfully completing the muslim poo (washing of one's bum with the left hand NO TOILET PEE PEE YO)
*please excuse my spelling mistakes.....it is too painful to wait for the spell check to auto-correct*
posted by Jelkie at 1:49 AM
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