And so the time has come

Another day

Another dollar

Another 5hr corporate shift

i secretly not so secretly like this arrangement very much

until of course, pay day comes around and i see that i have only been paid for two full days of work

oh the hillarity

i don't think i care though - 22 degrees outside, a 6pk of udies in ma fridge and a backyard waiting ta be mowed.....ohhhhhh yeah

sexy sexy grass cutting actions


BRING IT

AuTO-motivity

You may have noticed that the category i have selected for THIS particular blog is automotive....yes yes.....an adventural of the auto variety.

not auto as in the foe of manual - but AUTO as in for all things involving wheels n' shiz....

so today was going to be all about the adventurals of jess n' jelkie....i asked her out on a date - she's ma bestie but ain't no one else gonna ask me out on a freakin' date - let alone me ask anyone else out....So date was great....first we ate pasta in a lane way, then swung past the melbie centrah-lay to check out movies there (for some unknown reason jess avoided Nova @ all costs - this saddened me greatly, but thankfully the saddness was a temporary emotion...oh sorry...the story)

magically we ended up @ iMax after wittnessing a man eating a double whooper with cheese off the floor of tha tramio.....

BTW....i am soooo gonna organise a group of us to go down ta iMax one time and take lots of vitamin suplements and see a movie coz like this was the first time i'd ever been - and the WHOLE time i kept trying to catch the jelly fish and little amphibians swimming around me...wow.....hot sexy under the sea actions! its officially unofficailly ma frave!

anyway...many things happened today, the point of this post is now coming to view four pages later......we did stuff and had a great day. we parted ways. i got lost in cotton on as usual and out of nowhere heard ma belly rumble. "feeeeeeed me jelkie" it sang out from under ma layers....."ok ok ok" i replied pushing ma index finger into ma belly button....."sssshhhhhhhh!" this is quite normal behaviour for me, but aparently not for the sales assistant who was so weirded out by the movements of tha jelkie, she forgot to charge me for a pair of really REALLY girly earings.........yes i know......that's almost called stealing....almost......

so out of the store i skipped, looking forward to coming home and kicking back with ma Johnathan Safran Foer yo......i get to tha street of flinders and had a conniption like everyday i find maself standing between degraves and swanston.........bus or train.....bus or train......? hmmmm.

to settle the scores i usually walk up to the bottle-o and purchase a udie, then walk down casually in the hope that i've missed the bus and can catch the train and do the 2km walk home......alas a bus was approaching even before i could turn my brow in the direction of the bottle-o....dang....there will be no consumption of mid afternoon bevie for the jelkie on tha pee to tha tee-which btw guarentees u a whole seat because no1 wants ta sit next to u....because ur a rebel drinking on peetothatee...dang....

i looked at the bus number....350 it read.

sweet! i replied to maself of myselfs.

i boarded the bus.

i sat down

i began to read

i looked up again and i had magically found maself on vic. parade.....now instead of thinking "i am on the wrong bus" i opted for an easier statement and lazier realisation "we are just going a different way because it's a monday...."

i started off on the next paragraph.

i looked up again when i found maself on p(c)unt rd....a bus load of civilians were being ejected from their bus and had to board ours....it took me back to tha mother country for however a brief moment......if only there were caged chickens being carried on as hand luggage and babies being tied to the luggage holding racks - i would have sworn i was back in the lands of the cro's.

anyhoo. i started to stare out the window after reading a line that resonated within me....and lingered through the follicles of my everything.....when i stare i shut down. i stare and take in EVERYTHING but notice nothing.....yup.....until, and i should really take that back and capitalise that....UNTIL i realised we were turning onto a particular hwy...."ah-hem" managed to escape from between ma lips and into the direction of the lady sitting by me with a baby changing bag as her hand bag....."ah-hem" i repeated, this time poking her shoulder and waving ....

she takes out her headphones and brings her face right up into mine, and i swear ma brada....if i weren't fretting i wouldv'e gone her right then and there on tha bus - LISTEN TO ME WHEN I AM TALKING TO YOU WOMAN!

"Yes?" she asks in a matter - of - factly - stupid woman's voice......"Wha -wha-wha-where are wi-wi-we g-g-g-going?" i stutter in a panic stricken tone

"We are going to LaTrobe Uni....." she replies, seemingly all ner-ner-ner-ner-ner on my arse

"Oh, where's th-that?" i ask the bitchface mole....

"Well we're going down tha chandler freeway - basically going to heidelberg...."

"Argh! jelkie screams and jumps in her seat like something bit her on the buuuutox......but i can't go to heidelberg! i thought this was tha 250!!!!!"

lady moves away from me looking scared......

a boy who was on the bus with a large supply of plywood, a trolley and a hell of a lot of electrical cord materials asks me "Where do you need to go love?"

at first i hesitated in ma response, for i was not sure if he was going to offer to take me there on his magical aero-dynamical trolley equipped with a lot of electrical matter, but considering all the people around me seemed scared of my screaming/seat jumping actions, i thought i'd better reply...."i need to get to northcote....?"

cutting a long story short, because i mean REALLY>>>>>>>Can this be any fucking longer??????<<<<<<< he basically knew a lot about bus routes, street names and their nearest cross roads.....i think this had something to do with the electrical cord matter....hmmmm?

anyhoo, he motioned for me to get off the bus at a particular location because it was near darebin rd and i know that that is near the subway i went to on saturday to get a chicken footlong with ranch dressing and mayo - coz its a sexual conniption of the mouthal regions...........i got up to get off the bus, turned to him and said really really loudly...."thank you mr melways" and hopped off the bus after twirling ma finger in the air like i had a magical wand in my wand bearing hand....

i'm sure that was his real name - he nodded back at me knowingly....

so there i was...on a v.busy rd smiling nervously at the bus shelter before me.

i spent a while at that bus shelter, and the one across the st from it....because i couldn't decide upon which one to catch a bus from. i was lost. so i just kept going from one ta the other. i met an older couple as well, bill and margery. they didn't know where they were either, but bill had binoculars so we were able to establish i was near oriel rd.

thanks guys.......knowing ma nearest cross road wasn't enough though. no no..

i was cold

i was scared God damn it.

i was cold, alone and scared.........*meeeeeeeeeeeeep*

(now.....i like to occasionally place maself in a situation where i don't know where the funkadelly i am and then try and find ma way back home - but when its getting dark and ma stomachio won't shunt the finkle bump - thats a different story altogether and it has a lot to do with abandoment issues relating back to ma mama b and me getting lost in the k mart in the gardening section - all the hoses - so many hoses - they all looked like snakes and they wanted to eat me...no matter how hard i tried i kept seeing hoses - snakes - hoses - snakes.....where's ma mama b?

where's ma.....why is this man staring at me? - this extra bonus limited edition fear/question interupted ma trip down memoir lane......why is he looking around him, looking at me....shit its getting dark...shit shit shit! he's coming!

jelkie see's asian looking student.........runs to her.....man stops and stares.....jelkie starts talking to the asian looking student....asian looking student responds in asian sounding language.....jelkie keeps talking......asian student keeps talking.......man goes away - jelkie and asian looking student bow and part ways....

magically a 246 appears from around the corner rescuing jelkie after a fone call in desperation to Scream till ya lungs bleed, who advised her to cross the road. magically jelkie is on victoria rd

magically - jelkie appears in her lounge room

scream till ya lungs bleed hugs jelkie and rocks her to sleep, repeating "its gonna be ok jelkie, ssshhhhhhh.......shhhhhhhhh...."

moral of the story,......make a note of bus numbers prior to boarding - ALWAYS talk to asian looking people to avoid potential assults by weird men in fubu trackies....and never EVER EVER leave home without a packet of sultana's-because sultana's are GREAT!

end of story

BOOBS

boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs

thats all

What is hidden behind the line?

That line....right there that separates time from space, that separates me from you and actual moments from memories.

a person asked me yesterday if time was going faster because we were just getting older, and as we get older time simply slips away because we are too pre-occupied with grown up stuff - or - is it because it is ACTUALLY going faster, because that is the way it is....

i answered this question both comically and honestly.

first i suggested that time was going faster because our Earth is falling into a big black hole in the Universe, it is spinning at a rapid alarming rate and cascading down through the spirals of space, into this hole - and time IS actually going quicker - it's just that because of the distance between here and there, the clocks have been corrupted ..

then when i saw that i had confused this person somewhat - and that they were backing away slowly towards the door, i suggested a different theory....

i suggested that the reason time is appearing to pass by quicker to them is quite simple.

"but why is time passing by so fast" he replied

"because your hanging onto moments and not appreciating memories" i replied, and walked away.

Time. Space. Feeling. Love. Lost. Weights weighing down the course of your soul, of your essence and churning your existence into speils of whateverness.

When we bury our demons within us, so deep that to dig them out would excavate the world beneath us, when we take a moment and live and re-live this moment - any moment - every moment - we become the ultimate living example of what it would be to perish.

we become stale, stuck, stagnant.

we decay our remaining days clinging on to what Was and what we Had. That could relate to Anything.

how then are we able to feel and appreciate time, how then are we able to savor and revel in the seconds, the mili seconds, minutes, hours and days that turn into months weeks and years?

we can't.

we won't.

and we shouldn't - not until we have accepted our moments as our memories and allow those memories to inspire us to Enjoy, to experience and to LOVE the time granted to us.

I don't know if he understood or if he ever will understand what i mean/meant. But I'm glad he brought it up because it's reminded me of what i knew and how i existed once upon a time.

good day.

kiss this

Heart Breakage

I am one for emotions.....i say bring the fuckers on because emotions = inspiration for my works yes....

BUT - Seriously.......Time Out yo

Where is the fucking expiry date enabler button? The off button......The stop sign/button fucken something.........!

How long must that pang remain? Quivering in your chest, encompassing your breath - choking your throat.....Irradicating any hunger which remains.....interupting your sleep with visions of moments that had been or moments you long for..............

Each and every step you take journeying throughout this land does not take your further into the light - but further into a sphere where intensity reigns full force.

You fall deeper into a waking slumber, yet you are numb to the realities outside this sphere.

You wish to be cured

You pray that your soul can be redeemed from this sub-continent - which lies worlds apart from the mainland.

Your lost

Numb

Confused

Your vision is impaired

Your determination to escape this sphere over rides every aspect of your happenings.

STOP NOW PLEASE

Ode To Miska

So Miska - otherwise known as Nanna Miska (of nanna miska & nanna jelkie token tv fame) also known as Mikka-Mikka-Miska, AKA emm to tha eye to tha ish ke ahhhh-yo, AKA Michelle, AKA Moosh and sometimes in the mid morning on a weekend she is also known as Merry Miska of the Merry Maldive Hoo-Hoo Fairies....yesh the Miska!

So ma Miska, who to ME - the jelkie - is MY 246 Bus Partner in crime.....now, if ya up to date with our shenanigans via myspace and the whispers which emit from those talking streets in the City Of Northcote, AKA Lesbos mecca mecca (although not as central as the lesbos mecca mecca dwelling in which i live......?)

Anyhoo, I'm getting all side tracked again....hmmm where was I ? Oh yes, Miska.....

She is leaving me, going to tha NZ yo.......but ya see, she's not just going on a holiday, giving up her seat on tha bus, getting outta this farken corporate shamozzle-hole we sometimes (and i use this term lightly "sometimes") work in.....

She's leaving me with so many things left undone.....unsaid.....and leaving jelkie a little UNPREPARED for what i am almost certain will be a 246 bus friend rampage/slash/onslaught from our fellow travellers......

Oh yeah that was ma point a few paragraphials ago.......if your up to date on our movements/slash/loves it/adventurals/slash yeah slash actions you'd know that over time we have made a few ummmm......"interesting" and I'd even go as far as sayin.......ummmmm "obsessive" bus "friends?"

So now she's leaving me and ma world.........bye bye Miska.......if i survive the next two weeks on the fucking 246 without having conniptions, hurting these randoms, abusing the Wesley kids......ummmmm, changing home time/work time routes and can avoid premature greyness or that chick balding stress dis order

.......if i can remain calm in the face of adversity and cool and collective around the masses of wanna be bus friends until she comes back - then my life will not only be complete having learn't a most valueable lesson..........my life will be looked upon in the future as a guide for said future generations who chose to study topics such as "Controlling your ADHD and Bi-Polar Episodes Successfully 101" and also "Maintaining a positive attitude towards public displays of violence"

this week we have been slacking off on the job and taking photos.....this blog.....is my ode......to my Miska

I love the Miska-her witt and charm-her ridiculous humour.....her amazing patience with me, her ability to shut me up, her skill of ignoring me.....especially when i ask her to look at me when i'm trying to act out a story and i need her to see a facial someone pulled......her stunning beauty not gracing my visionaries each morning and parting ways with mine every night.....ohhhhhh Miska.....i will miss this the most yo.

Have fun deekhead - chop that shite up yo!

victory?

It's been 5 days since my last dim sim

....the cold sweats was def. the worst of it.....this was saturday and sunday....monday was ok.......tuesday, being today, being the day after yesterday - also know as monday............i'm ok.

not even a hint of want for the sim dim

i think i am cured.

on a different note i would like to give myself kudos for ignoring a homeless person the whole way home from the cit-wah on sunday night on the 350.....who was tapping my shoulder randomly whilst i began the demolition of ma 6pack of u-dies....passiona yo.

so

KUDOS to me :0)

and kudos to tha passiona yo! X

Dim Sim vs Lift Ettiquette (again)???

3 hours after consuming x 2 Dim Sims i have the following to report:

* my burps smell like dim sims

* i have farted 4 times (thats 1.something every hour)

* i need to do a poo and everytime i go to the bathroom someone's in there....grrrr


2 mins after entering the lift with chuckling couple i have the following to report:

* i know you are you said you are but what am i?
* i am rubber and you are glue and everything that you say bounces off me and sticks to you

trans. over - -

Remember the days in the old-skool yard....?

We used to laugh a lot

However, NOW in the NU-SKOOL yard

they eat salad roti wraps instead of meat pies because parents feed their children fatty foods and encourage their children to stay indoors instead of playing on the freeway like we used to when we were young.

Boom-bada

Boom-bada

Fatty Boom Stix

this is all
--

He said....."I think she's a man...."

His name was Borris.....a vunderful man no? Not only was Borris a vunderful man yah?......He also had an array of wrist watches.

YESHHHHHH wrist watches. Not of the calculator variety..No No. Of the animated variety. But this is another story all together - lets not get ahead of ourselves juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust yet.

Borris's story is actually one that may pull on ya heart strings yo - might jerk a tear, raise an eyebrow or even cause some type of coniption in your pantal regions....

You see, tonight as we were walking past Club X @ stupid o'clock....Borris came flying out down the stairs.

Picking himself off the dirty dirty crust infested footpath he looked at us and said the following : "Fucken bludi bustarrrrrd. I tink hi vus a vuuuuman...bludi stoopid pirvert bustarrrrrrd. Frigun shtooooopido Borris shtooopids."

And with this.....he set off down the street to the 24hr Hungry Jacks in search of a whopper with cheese.

Now this story doesn't actually end here....No no. It is just the begining....The begining - the creation - the birth - the revolution mutha fucks

Yes Yes

Borris loves a good revolution.

Mad for a revolution....ssssspecially one involving a he/she and crusty footpath and of course a bit o' whopper with cheese actions....just hold the pickles coz those little green farkers aren't marco polo and the man got not only game but he got the styles enuf to make armani cry like a bubby.

Hang on....wait wait wait.

I have a panda on the couch again and the lama's getting jealous.

BING! Going.......DOWN....Stand clear - these doors are closing

NOW

ps: tbc

Liar Liar pants on fire

Yes these pants are burning. Burning burning hot hot heat i tell ya.

Ok....so I am NOT currently playing shotgun with cans of UDL or drinking long necks......whilst cutting the grass in a pair of HotPants and an old chesty bonds.

No no.

I am in the offwaaaaah....ok ok ok but its not THAT bad.

I think what happened after I posted the birdie blog, otherwise known as the Ode to Corporate Fuck Off! the Universe opened up and blessed me with a grrrrrrreat opportunity.

So I took it.

Yes yes.....I grabbed the said opportunity with both hands and put it in one of my burning pockets.

Yesh....now I'm really on fire.

Anyhoo.

I'm glad I am still here BECAUSE!!!! This morgen i witnessed a most peculiar thing.

Out the front of the Americana Capricosa Embass-wah was a tee-pee style tent set up with about ohhhhhhhh, 3 if ya lucky protestors covered in red paint with slogan flags shrewed upon the ground saying STOP THE BLOODSHED

Isn't it Blood Shed? says the dyslexeticle writer....but hey what would i know....or maybe...juuuuuuust maybe there is a shed with blood in it - like some kind of shed and in the shed they produce litres and litres of blood, IN FACT (yes these are my two favorite words ATM used in conjunction with eachother) perhaps the shed is filled with blood up to the top of the shed, like the rafters and its leaking and thats why they were protesting?....oh.....it hurts *jelkie taps her head to shhhhhh*

Anyhoo.....its OBVIOUS to me someone forgot to send the email out.

At least to the other prospective protestors.......the email definitely went out to the Protective Services AND the good ole boys in blue - IN FACT there was a bus load of them...YES - A BUS LOAD.

and not ONE hot lady in blue....in fact.....not one lady.

So.....i sat there and stared at the protestants....i mean protestors and stared at the colour of a two cent coin COPPAS COPPAS! for a while just to see if anything was the haps yo.

nada

nista

nuffin

crapstix
AND
crabstix

big FAT juicey ones

dripping in non eventfulness

BORINK! i was hoping for some throwing of pig blood onto the two cent coinage's or perhaps some teepee destruction from the boys in baddassssss blue.

Alas no no nonage.

Oh well.

At least it took my mind off the war in Iraq for a moment.